My version: “Nobody cries at the end of a movie about a girl who wants a minivan.”

I failed to write my own story…at least one that was interesting.   I was trying to stuff myself in a mold that I didn’t fit in.   Writing what I thought was supposed to be my story…the supposed perfect suburban lifestyle.

My story went something like this:   Girl goes to college.  Girl meets good boy.  Girl gets married in church.  Girl has babies.  Girl stays home to care for babies while boy seeks corporate success.  Girl gets minivan.  Girl wears sensible shoes.  The End.

Boy leaves girl.  The Beginning.

Here’s an idea I have for the opening segment of my book…

A Camera is panning Washington DC from above.  There’s a man coming home from a long overseas business trip in a plane wringing his hands…looking out the window…he sees the US Capital Building, Washington Monument, and Lincoln Memorial…then he gets in a town car…travels west out of the city through traffic into beautiful suburbia with groomed landscaping, green grass, a swimming pool crowded with families.  The car stops at a brick home with blue shutters, an American Flag by the front door, red and white Geraniums flanking the front door in red pots.  Inside there’s a woman making dinner while holding a newborn baby girl, two other children are dancing around her excited for Daddy to come home…but he’s late…

The woman puts the kids to bed and leaves dinner waiting on the table.  The man finally walks in and looks desheveled.  Something is very wrong.  He eats dinner, sits on the couch next to his wife and finally gets the courage to spit it out, “I’m leaving you.”

“Tonight?”  She says.  

The man, “Yes”

“Well we’re out of milk.” She says.  

That woman was me.

What a ridiculous thing to say, but practical considering at the time I had a 4 year old, 2 year old, and 8 week old baby asleep upstairs.  I was so blindsided and shocked that’s the only thing that came out of my mouth.  He left to get milk.  I called my best friend and fell to the floor screaming.  I woke up the baby.

My friend took me upstairs to bed, I kept screaming in my pillow, she picked up my baby, and waited by the front door for him to come home.  She took the milk while holding my baby swaddled in a pink blanket, and said to him, “Don’t make it hard on her, just leave.”

He called out to me…I didn’t answer…he left.  And that’s where my story really begins.

How did I get myself into this?  My therapist describes it as a car accident…you don’t see it coming, and when it happens you can’t drive yourself crazy saying if only I had left 5 minutes earlier…it just happens.  It’s how you move on that matters.

I think I was scared of writing my own story.  I was young when I got married.  I was scared of getting and finding a journalism job right out of college.  I was scared of living life on my own.  I didn’t know I could write my own story.

Now I know…  I’m writing… and chucking the sensible shoes for platform wedges.  :-)

“Life is pure adventure…the sooner we realize that we are able to treat life as art.”  - Maya Angelou

In my humble opinion, it carries baggage. Negative baggage.

It seems to imply that you are alone, but I don’t feel alone. I am grateful to my network of friends and family that surround me supporting me during this season of my life.

I have an amazing Nanny and friend that my kids love. It takes a pretty special person to show up at someone’s house at 6am…and greet the kids when they wake up, feed the breakfast, and get them dressed for the day. She is special!

So, I don’t feel “single”.  I feel more intentional in my motherhood than I ever have before.  I embrace it and take it seriously.

What are your suggestions? Have any new terms for “Single Mom”? I’m thinking “Professional Mom”, but I’m open to your suggestions.

UPDATE:  PRO-MOM it is!!!  Thanks to J.C. Larimore…my lifetime pastor!

Get it…short professional and double meaning…I am for moms…empowering and encouraging.  PRO-MOM…with a hot pink superman style logo…oh yeah…I feel a theme and a website coming!

So, this Easter has meant much more for my little family than just a celebration of the end of winter. It’s actually the celebration of an end to a very dark period of our life, and embracing the promise of new life and new possibilities.

The main thing I want you to know….I am okay!  In fact, I am stronger and better than ever.  The kids are doing great.  Although this may come as a surprise to you, I have been dealing with this for quite some time and have healed. Which is why I’m now talking about it and moving forward.   I feel strong and confident in pursuing my new life on my own with the kids.  I am fine financially and am getting plenty of support.  I’m not going to make a ton of changes.  We are living our normal lives.

You will probably begin to see changes on Facebook, my blog, email, on air, etc.  I plan on writing more and starting to tell my story of how I have found meaning during this time of suffering and how God is now turning what was once a pile of ashes into a thing of beauty.

I have discovered that there is a whole new dimension of life that God created for me…that I haven’t imagined or tapped into yet.  I have been settling for less of what God has intended for me.  No more!   I want to help others live the abundant life that God has planned for us.

Although parenting 3 young children on my own wasn’t exactly my plan, it’s actually not as hard as it sounds. To some it may seem like “no task for a mere mortal.”  But, I’m not one of those “mere mortals.”  I believe strongly in the risen power of Jesus Christ, and his ability to transform lives.  I am a living example that it is real.

Let every man and woman count himself immortal. Let him catch the revelation of Jesus in his resurrection. Let him say not merely, “Christ is risen,” but “I shall rise.” – Phillips Brooks

So on this Easter, I am breaking the silence and the chains of shame and secrets that were binding me.  I am saying it outloud…I am a Single Mom of 3…and I am rising!

Thanks for your love and support.  I don’t want pity, I don’t need a ton of help or anything, just your friendship, prayers, acceptance, and positive encouragement!

Love,

Amanda, Emily, Andy, and Zoe

Yesterday I visited my son, Andy’s, preschool class.  As I parked my minivan and walked across the street to his little school my mind was distracted with some serious worries that are going on in my life right now, until I heard the screams of joy.

My mind was awakened from it’s state of worry when I heard YAY!!!!  WOOHOO!!! and I looked up to see a class of 4 year olds running out to the playground with reckless abandon.  Those kids had no cares in the world.  They were thrilled beyond compare that they had the chance to go outside for 20 minutes to swing, jump, and spin around on the merry go round until they got dizzy.

Life can get to a serious pace as an adult that can made you dizzy.  From work responsibilities, kid activities, and financial burdens…it can really get me stressed out.  You can let it get to you or change your attitude and treat life it as an adventure.  Maya Angelou once said “Life is pure adventure…the sooner we realize that we can treat life as art.”

I dare you today as you walk outside of your home or office to let out a little YIPPEE!!!  Skip, Jump, do a little Irish jig  Start painting your canvas of life with some brighter colors…

Sure you can live your life without God, but you can lead a better life with God.

But, if you’ve ever read your horoscope in the newspaper you’ve probably read the wrong sign.  Astrologists now say that the signs are one month off.  The Star Tribune reported“The ancient Babylonians based zodiac signs on the constellation the sun was “in” on the day a person was born. During the ensuing millenniums, the moon’s gravitational pull has made the Earth “wobble” around its axis, creating about a one-month bump in the stars’ alignment”.

Wouldn’t we all love a little glimpse of our future.   Sometimes maybe even cried out to God asking if he could just tell you what your future holds.  I think that’s why people sometimes read their horoscope.  It gives a moment of clarity for your future in this most uncertain life.  Wouldn’t it be cool if you could open up the newspaper and there was a little personal note to you from God?

Something like, “Good morning…just wanted to let you know that there is nothing that’s going to happen to you today that you and I can’t handle together…have a good day…talk to you soon.”

What kind of daily note would you like to receive from God?

That’s what I got out of President Obama’s speech yesterday at The Memorial Service honoring those that lost their lives in the Tuscon, Arizona shooting.  In his speech he said…it is time to talk with each other “in a way that heals, not in a way that wounds…We may not be able to stop all evil in the world, but I know that how we treat one another is entirely up to us.”

My co-host Brennan says his goal is to speak life and possibility into people’s lives.  I love that.  I think it starts at home.

Every night as a part of the bedtime routine with the kids I tell my kids what I am “most proud of them for” that day. Maybe it’s playing nicely with their siblings, or helping Mommy put away the groceries.  I try to find something that involves helping others.  It’s something my husband says his mother used to do with him every night.

It trickled down to our family.  I think that’s the whole idea.  Once we speak life and possibility into the lives of our children, they speak it into the lives of their friends, and the lives of their children, and their Grandchildren…and just maybe the world around you will become a better place when more people hear the words, “I believe in you.” instead of “You’re not good enough.”

Tell me you speak life and possibility into the lives of your family by commenting to this blog.

Kayla Martell does.  She’s 22 years old, and competing this week for the Miss America title.  She’s Miss Delaware.  She’s been bald since she was 11 years old.  She has alopecia areata, a rare condition that results in unexplained hair loss. But that’s not stopping her from competing for her lifelong dream.

She wears a wig in competition, but not at home.  “When I’m home with my family, I’m always without my wig — that’s who I am,” She told Today.com.

Maybe it’s that confidence that gives her  True Beauty.  Her story reminds me that no matter what problems you have, what mistakes you have made, they only limit your future if you let it.

Tell me about the most beautiful person in your life…

Click here for her full story

I don’t know about you, but whenever I see an older couple walking and holding hands together I think I hope that’s me someday…I hope I will be loved like that when the kids are gone, when the wrinkle cream doesn’t matter anymore, and everything has sagged.

There’s a couple like that folks are talking about this morning that had that deep love throughout their life.  The  Stoddard’s were known as the “lifeblood” of their church. They had been married for 56 years. They put their hearts into helping others and have changed many lives.

It just so happens they were standing in line at a Safeway in Tuscan, Arizona on Saturday to meet their Congresswoman, Gabrielle Giffords, when a gunman opened fire. Mr. Stoddard laid on top of his wife to tried to shield her.  He died, but Mrs. Stoddard survived even though she was shot in the leg.  He made the ultimate sacrifice for his wife.  What an amazing love story.

Fast Acting Intern

He was the new guy – the intern – Daniel Hernandez starting working with Rep. Giffords just 5 days ago.  He’s a poli sci major and his job was to sign in people and control traffic at Giffords’ event on Saturday at the Safeway in Tuscan, Arizona.  Turns out he also had studied nursing.

When the shooting started, he was more than 30 feet away around a corner, but he rushed to her side.  He started checking the pulses of those hurt…he noticed she had been shot in the head, and he rushed to help her.  He was able to shut off all emotions and get to work.  He lifted her head, because he feared she might choke on her own blood and used smocks from the grocery store’s meat department as makeshift bandages for her and other victims. He asked her questions and although she couldn’t respond she was squeezing his hand.  He saved her life.

I find it fascinating that in each of these moments someone was holding another’s hand.  Studies have shown that just by the simple act of holding a loved ones hand can lessen the amount of physical pain you feel.

The intern holding his boss’s hand. The husband embracing his wife.  Love in Action.  Overcoming Hate.  Just by holding hands…