The Single Mom & The Vision for New Life

The Single Mom & The Vision for New Life

It’s time to create a vision for you life.  Yes, it may feel like your life just came crashing down and is a big stinking pile of dung, but let’s use that dung for what it’s best for, fertilizer for new growth.

This unexpected turn in your life is not the death of you. If it’s Single motherhood, I’m living proof that it’s not the end.  This is a new day.   This is a second chance for you to recreate your life into what you really want. Not many people get this chance, you did.  If you work this plan I promise 6 months from now your life will look completely different!

Instead of surviving day to day, visitation to visitation, support check to next support check, answer this question:

What do you really want?

Single moms:  Your answer to this question CANNOT be a new husband.  It most certainly cannot be rekindling an old flame, or lining up a bunch of guys to “netflix and chill” with through Tinder. It cannot be to have back what you lost.  It’s time to create something NEW. Your answer to this question MUST be a fresh new vision for your life. New.  Never go backwards in life.  I don’t care how hot or how single that ex is!  He’s an ex for a reason!

This is the time to become the mother you want your children to remember.  They want to remember a mom that conquered depression and stood on her own two feet, they want to remember a mom that protected her heart instead of bouncing from boyfriend to boyfriend, they want to remember a mom who cheered like a maniac at all of their soccer games even if it was Dad’s weekend.  They want to remember a mom who slayed like Beyonce at her career, was present at every event possible, and put them first. They need YOU! You hold their self esteem in your hands.

It’s time to design your life now for a bright future.  This is you fresh new start.  You will ROCK this single mom life and be able to serve your future up on a silver platter.  It may not be riches, and glory, and a hottie by your side, but it WILL be happiness and fulfillment.  What more can you ask for?

CAUTION: I feel like I need to reiterate this again.  Happiness and fulfillment does not come from a new boyfriend or boyfriends. Trust me.  I’ve tried it. Happiness comes from being brave enough to build the best life for YOU and your children on your own first.  That’s much more attractive to the right guy anyway.

If you do not set a vision for you life, you will be stuck. Without a vision, there is no destination.  If you keep doing the same thing over and over again, you will get the same result.  So, let’s “get your brave on” girl and create a vision, and get you to the destination of your dreams. I’m doing this with you!  I’m sick of disappointing relationships.  I want to build the life of my dreams, not wait for someone else to give them to us!

Joel Osteen, the pastor of Lakewood Church once had a problem.  His church was outgrowing it’s facility.  The old church lead by his late father was in a remote area, near a economically challenged neighborhood.  Yet, thousands  drove out to it every week.  It was not ideal.  It was in such a unique area that church members had bumper stickers on the back of their cars that said “Follow me to the Oasis of Love: Lakewood”.  I remember following those bumper sticker for my very first visit to Lakewood Church in 1999 when I lived in Houston.  It happened to be the day that Joel Osteen became the official pastor of Lakewood Church after the death of his father, the former pastor.  That’s when the vision began.

He had an idea to get the old basketball stadium in Houston, he inquired, prayed for it, fought for it, and GOT IT!  Now he’s the most well known pastor in America, with his own Radio Channel on Sirius XM.

You just need a vision, prayer, and some good old fashioned determination to get to the destination of your dreams. Okay, so maybe you’re not in an ideal situation.  Maybe you have outgrown your current situation.  Do you want to stay there or do you want a way out?  So, let’s made some directions. Let’s find something or someone to follow to get to a better destination.  I found Jesus.  It has been the secret weapon in my life to handle every unfortunate circumstance that has come my way and oh girl I have stories… you have no idea.

My life was changed when I was 9 years old and accepted Jesus into my life, and was baptized in my Daddy’s little baptist church in Sedalia, MO.  Faith is believing that change is possible. There’s no point in saying you are a Christian if you don’t grab hold of the change that is possible.  Why have faith if you’re not going to do anything with it!  God wants to restore you.  He wants to change you.  He wants you to grab hold of a bigger vision for your life. Like Carrie Underwood sings, “There must have been something in the water”.  You are CHANGED!!!!!! Now, what are you going to do with that?  The same old thing?  I don’t think so!!!

Use it girl.  Get your brave on!  You are not the sum of your past mistakes. God is not mad at you.  He wants to use you to make a difference for others.  He wants you to be part of His vision.  He wants you to wake up, get out of bed, and get to work!  He wants you to come up out of that water with power, strength, and a fresh new vision for your life. Do not waste your life anymore just surviving. Your children need to see you fight and accomplish your dreams.  How else do you think they are going to learn on how to go after theirs?

“For have I not commanded you, declares the Lord, to be strong and courageous for the Lord your God goes with You wherever You go.” -Joshua 1:9

Create a vision, make a plan, to get to the destination of your dreams.  

The One you need to follow is begging you to pay attention to Him.  He’s begging you to give him all of your love.  He’s begging you to swap out your worries and fears and trust Him to provide for you to accomplish the vision that you desire for your life.   Do not waste the life that the good Lord gave you.  Do not waste this second chance.  Not everyone gets this opportunity. Seize yours. Stop right now and pray to God.  Tell Him that you need him, ask Him to come to your rescue, tell Him that you accept His forgiveness, ask Him to change you, and give you a fresh new vision for your life.

VISION: 

Write a sentence about what your deep desires are for your family to accomplish. What do you want to be written about you when you’re gone? Where is the destination you are headed?

Example:  Let’s say you want to be a teacher. Your vision statement could be:   “I want to inspire children to love learning and accomplish their dreams. ”

WORK BACKWARDS:  I love this. I read a book once that taught me this trick.  It seems daunting to start from step one.  Start with your destination (GO BIG) and working backwards makes it seem so much more fun an doable.  Try it, I dare you!

Example:

5. Land teaching job of my dreams
4.  Apply to Schools
3. Student Teaching
2. Get teaching certificate
1. Apply to a college to get degree in education

Example:  “I want to start my own business to help the community and support my family.”

5. Opening Day
4. Secure an office
3. Get my business license
2. Make a business plan
1. Make my vision for my business

WORK THE PLAN

Every day you work that plan. Write this down and post it on your refrigerator.  Start on step one, the last thing you wrote down, and work it girl.  Work it like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman… well actually NO don’t do it that way!!  You know what I mean! Slay, just slay! Don’t allow setbacks with your ex, a new boyfriend that is romancing you, or piles of laundry to interrupt your plan! Ask yourself what would Beyonce do?  She would SLAY! More importantly, ask God every single day to go with you and give you the strength to accomplish your Single Mom Vision.

Remember without a vision and a destination you are just spinning your wheels.  You will only end up in the same place next year, if not worse. Trust me that was my last year. I allowed myself to be distracted and ended up with a pile of broken promises and a broken heart. I am working the plan right with you!  I want to build a community of single moms that choose bravery and accomplish their dreams while supporting each other!

“Where there is no vision, the people perish.” Provers 29:18 So…where there IS vision you will THRIVE!

Get your brave on girl.   There must be something in that water….

Father, I pray that you would give us a greater vision for our lives.  Remind us not to waste the life that you have given us, but instead believe that You can do what You promise to do in Your word and CHANGE us.  Give us strength, to overcome and start over.  Help us to get to the destination of our dreams -In Jesus’ name, Amen.

  • avatar image
    GaGa
    December 28th, 2014 at 11:46 am

    Love this honey! Your encouragement is really working!

    Reply
  • avatar image
    Lila
    December 30th, 2014 at 8:04 am

    I love your posts! I grew up with a single parent and I wish she had blogs like this to encourage her back in the day! I don’t have any kids but your blogs always encourage me to be more and reach a little further for my dreams. Thank you for sharing your life and heart with us. I’m getting “my brave on” in 2015!

    Reply
  • avatar image
    Gina S
    December 30th, 2015 at 12:39 pm

    Thank you for this! I have felt stuck and somewhat lost lately. It has been just my son and I (with the help of my amazing family and friends) since before he was 2 and he’s almost 11. Sometimes it is so easy to get stuck comparing my life to others an it is easy to forget that God has a plan for me too. I will be spending some time in prayer and thinking on your words.

    Reply
    • avatar image
      amandacarroll
      December 31st, 2015 at 8:33 am

      Hi Gina! I am honored! I hope to be able to encourage you on this journey you are on. If you have time I would love to know what kinds of things you need to know more about to live the best life as a single mom. What are the issues you are struggling with?

      Reply
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    LaTanya Schmidt
    December 31st, 2015 at 9:18 am

    Thank you so much for this. I have been a single mom for 10 years and I have always felt lonely and lost. I’ve had amazing church families come along side me to help raise my daughter and without them I don’t know where I would be. I want to be BRAVE in 2016 and be strong but I’m not sure how sometimes.

    Reply
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    Trudy
    January 1st, 2016 at 9:52 am

    THIS is exactly what I needed to read!!!! Thank you so much for posting this!! I am now, a single mom of 5. My youngest is 5 months old. I am currently living with my parents trying to get myself together and back on my feet. I’ve been a SAHM, homeschooling mom for 13 years. My husband just up and left one day. Anyways, I follow your posts and your blogs and I think if you often, even though I have never met you. You are such an inspiration to the single mom community and I’m so thankful for your encouragement! I pray that one day I will be able to be a blessing to single moms as well, because we need all the hope and encouragement we can get. This whole “vision” and “goal setting” has been on my heart SO much lately, but I haven’t know where to start! So THANK YOU for posting this!!!! Thank you for allowing God to use you as speak through you!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

    Reply

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